Friday, February 25, 2011

The Eventual After-School Special (followed by creepy)

Stranger: hi
You: hi
You: ho
Stranger: asl
You: none.
You: I am immortal.
You: and sexless.
Stranger: good to you
You: Good to me?
You: English as a second language?
Stranger: yes go to hell
You: DERP
You: DERP TO THE HERP!
You: fucking face.
You: I'll cut you!
You: I'll cut and paste ya!
Stranger: ill cut your balls off first
You: whoa
You: whoa!!!
You: slow down killer.
Stranger: where are u ?
You: I'm in the kitchen
Stranger: asl ?
You: I am a grown female, in jersey.
Stranger: oww, new jersey,,
why do you have to act like a ghost ?
You: you should ride in my rocket car
You: what do you mean ghost?
Stranger: no ,, just kidding
Stranger: how old are you ?
You: 20
Stranger: oww, im 19,, so u are college student right ?
You: No.
You: I don't go to school.
You: I am a dancer.
Stranger: thats good,,,
what type of dance ?
You: erotic dancing.
Stranger: u mean as a w**re ?
You: what does that mean?
You: what's a w**re?
Stranger: just kidding,,
what is erotic dancing ?
You: it's dancing where is show my pussy for money.
You: Don't like pussy?
Stranger: dont do that,,
you have bright future,,
dont make your parents sad
You: My parents are dead.
You: I make three thousand dollars a night. Don't judge me.
Stranger: at least,, u have to be something that u really want to be
You: I want to make three thousand dollars a night.
You: How about that?
Stranger: life is better than that,,, sister
You: Sister?
You: What, are you some kind of pussy?
Stranger: no,, im not
Stranger: im just telling you, its not good for you
You: How do you know what's good for me?
You: Getting money is bad for me?
Stranger: because i have many friends like you,,
and they end their own selves in prison
Stranger: im not saying getting money is bad for you,
You: oh. You must live in some stupid country that's not america.
Stranger: but the way u get it is not good
Stranger: im living in england,,
Stranger: do you have problem with that ?
You: Are you muslim?
Stranger: no,, im not
You: why do you keep using a comma like it's a period?
Stranger: i just trying to make better perception for you
You: let me give you some advice, dude.
Stranger: just tell me
Stranger: what is it ?
You: Perhaps you should save your 19 year old perceptions for somewhere other than random strangers on omegle who claim to be 20 year old strippers, who are actually 30 year old men clowning you.
You: Just saying.
You: BANG!
You: I just came!
Stranger: good to you
You: no no, good FOR you.
You: Good. For. You.
You: And by came I meant ejaculated.
Stranger: it's up to you now
You: because I was masturbating.
Stranger: go to hell
You have disconnected.

ZING!

Stranger: hey
You: man, I just done smoking meth.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Anime Type Stuff

You: bickety bam
You: hey mofo
Stranger: booom
You: snap
Stranger: hi
You: crazy dawg
You: what's the deal, sizzle fist?
Stranger: come on
Stranger: im thunder fist
You: Come on, what?
You: Hi thunder fist
Stranger: hi, and who are u? stone kick?
You: I'm lightning rod!
Stranger: never heard of u
You: Oh.
You: Well, I'm new.
Stranger: you should learn more, newbie
You: Well, I don't have a teacher.
Stranger: sorry, i never accept any student
You: Well, that's ok.
You: I don't need to learn. I'm pretty skilled.
Stranger: haha, lets see what u got dude
You: Ok, watch this.
You: hitatchi
Stranger: bah!
Stranger: MITSHUBISHI!
You: Shit.
Stranger: SUZUKI!
You: that's skills.
Stranger: hahaha, learn more dude
Stranger: and give me ur best shot some other day
You: Ok.
You: Well, how about this...
You: KA-POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
Stranger: bwahahahaha, lil bit crazy but not good enough
You: Not good enough?
You: THEN TRY!!! POKEMON!!!
You: or something.
You: BLAMMMMMOOO FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKL DOUBLE PLUS GOOD!!!
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: learn more dude
You: I've mastered all I need.
You: I've masturbated all I need.
You: Muscle flex.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Greetings.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: pleasant greetings, fellow human.
Stranger: salutations, stranger
You: Shut the fuck up.
Stranger: dont sass me whore
Stranger: i will bite off your chode
You: Fuck off, mother fucker.
You: I'l fucking stomp your balls. Cunt.
Stranger: your fucking twat. go cum on a teddy bear
Stranger: do it now
You: Well, stranger, it has been lovely to converse with you. Live well.
Stranger: bye darling
You have disconnected.

Click my Link

You: Hey, how are ya, fuckface?
Stranger: very good cock sucker
Stranger: http://www.Sexy-Lisa.com/?uid=402738
Stranger: see that link
Stranger: click it now or forever be a faggot
You: Shit.
Stranger: DO YOU HEAR ME BITCHCAKES
You: I don't got no dick.
Stranger: CLICK THE GODDAM LINK
Stranger: http://www.Sexy-Lisa.com/?uid=402738

http://www.Sexy-Lisa.com/?uid=402738

http://www.Sexy-Lisa.com/?uid=402738
Stranger: THAT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU
You: hey, shit for brains, I don't HAVE A DICK
Stranger: Well fucking sucks to be you
You: Nope.
You: I have a vagina.
Stranger: I PERSONALY DONT CARE
Stranger: JUST CLICK THE GODDAM LINK
You: why are you yelling?
Stranger: I DONT CARE IF YOUR A GIRL OR NOT
Stranger: JUST FUCKING CLICK THE GODDAM LINK
Stranger: http://www.Sexy-Lisa.com/?uid=402738
You: We're in a chat room, guy.
Stranger: DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME WOMAN
You: Man, the link won't click.
Stranger: THEN COPY AND PASTE IT INTO THE LITTLE URL BOX
Stranger: ARE YOU SO STUPID YOU CANT DO THIS BASIC FUNTCTION
You: I don't know how.
Stranger: PROVE ME WRONG AND OD IT
Stranger: *DO IT
You: You just called me stupid and misspelled function.
You: Moving on.
Stranger: YEP
Stranger: IM ON CRUSE CONTROL MOTHER FUCKER
You: How do I copy and paste?
You: This is my first computer.
You: I'm also only 12.
Stranger: NOW EITHER YOU RIGHT CLICK AND CLICK COPY THEN RIGHT CLICK AGAIN IN THE URL BOX AND SELECT PASTE OR I WILL FUCK YOU WITH A BAT WITH RUSTY NAILS STICKING OUT
You: What's a right click?
Stranger: DONT MAKE ME USE THE BAT
You: Stop yelling at me!!!
You: I want to use your link!!!
Stranger: I WILL WHEN YOU GO TO THE WEBSITE
Stranger: http://www.Sexy-Lisa.com/?uid=402738
You: I don't know HOW!!!!
You: Help me!!!
You: What's a right click?
Stranger: ITS WHERE YOU STICK YOUR FINGERS INTO YOUR VAG AND PUSH IT IN AND OUT
Stranger: DO THIS NOW
You: I'll have you know, that's not appropriate.
Stranger: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT IS APPROPRIATE
Stranger: AND IT SURE AS FUCK IT
You: and also, it's not helping me get to your website.
You: I think my mom is calling the police.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

CAPS, BABY!!!

Stranger: hey
You: HEY!!!!!!!
Stranger: asl
You: I FUCKING LOVE ASL!
You: WHAT'S NEXT?
Stranger: can you make me horny?
You: I LOVE MAKING YOU HORNY!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: hi
You: HI!!!
Stranger: asl plz
You: I LOVE ASL!!!
You: I LOVE PLZ!!!
You: OK, WHAT'S NEXT?
Stranger: so what is ur asl?
You: MY ASL IS BIG!!!
You: OK, WHAT'S NEXT?
You: GO! TALK TO ME!
Stranger: so suck ur big ass
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: OK! GO!
You: TALK!!!
Stranger: hi
You: C'MON, TIME'S WASTING.
You: HI!!!
You: HOW ARE YOU?!?
Stranger: what
You: WHAT!
You: I AGREE!
You: OK, WHAT'S NEXT?
Stranger: helllllllloooooooooo
Stranger: i next'
You: HI!!!
You: OK, SAY SOMETHING ELSE!
Stranger: btw
Stranger: btw
You: YES!
Stranger: btw
Stranger: btw
Stranger: btw
You: AWESOME!
Stranger: love u
You: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!
You: I LOVE YOU!!!
You: OK, WHAT ELSE?
Stranger: i want u to fuck me
You: WIN!!!
You: I'M FUCKING YOU!!!
You: OH GOD!!!
You: I'M... I'M...
You: And I came.
Stranger: so early
Stranger: shit
Stranger: wtf
You: I'M FUCKING YOU AGAIN!!!
You: OH GOD! OH GOD!
You: YES!!!
You: THIS IS AWESOME!!!
You: I'M FUCKING YOU SO HARD!!!
Stranger: what is awesome
You: I'M SO GOOD AT FUCKING!!!
Stranger: ya u r
You: THIS IS THE BEST SEX YOU'VE EVER HAD!!!
You: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!
You: I'M TOTALLY FUCKING YOU WITH THE APPROPRIATE SEX ORGAN!!!
You: OH! I'M GOING TO SHOOT MY LOAD AGAIN, FOR THE SECOND TIME!!!
Stranger: dont stop
Stranger: m done
You: IN A FEW MINUTES BECAUSE YOU SAID NOT TO STOP!!!
Stranger: give ur gmail id
You: OH NO, YOU JUST CAME, BUT NOW I CAN'T STOP HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH YOU!!!
You: OH FUCK!!! I'M NOW PHYSICALLY STUCK IN THE HOLE I PUT MY SEX ORGAN IN!!!
You: Seriously. Get help. I'm stuck.
Stranger: how can i help u
You: Get a towel, a bucket of ice and a hot pocket. This is going to take a minute.
Stranger: k
Stranger: now do it
You: DO WHAT???
You: I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE REQUEST!!!
Stranger: tk ur sex organ out
You: wait. What?
Stranger: gimme ur email id
You: WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU MY EMAIL???
You: ARE YOU A RUSSIAN HACKER?
Stranger: nope
You: WHY FOR THE EMAIL?
Stranger: k
You: man, seriously, this is dragging out now.
You: Don't you know that this is only funny if you quit the conversation?
You: You're fucking up my timing over here, kid.
Stranger: k
You: I don't normally edit these conversations, but I might edit this one.
Stranger: k
Stranger: ur wish
You: just because you're so damn boring.
Stranger: k
You: ok. you're going to make me disconnect.
Stranger: k
You: and that's really very sad.
Stranger: do it
You: I will.
You: watch me.
Stranger: k
You: Watch.
Stranger: k
You: I'm going to do it.
Stranger: k
You: right now
Stranger: k
Stranger: i love the way u r
You: I am really creeped out now.
Stranger: k
You: ok. that's it.
Stranger: k
You: I'm out.
Stranger: bye
You have disconnected

Stranger: asl?
You: FUCK!!!
Stranger: YEAH!!!!!!
You: FUCK!!!
Stranger: YEAH!!!!!
You: OH MY GOD!!!
Stranger: WHAT!!!
You: I LOVE OMEGLE!!!
Stranger: ME TOO!!!!
You: I LOVE TALKING!!!
Stranger: NO WAY SO DO I!!!
You: AWESOME!!!
You: YOU'RE FUCKING GREAT!!!
Stranger: YOU TOO!!!
You: OK!!! I'M LEAVING NOW!!!
Stranger: WAIT!!!
You: WHAT?!?
Stranger: add me on facebook!!!!
You: I REALLY HAVE TO SHIT!!!
Stranger: EVAN PERKINS LOOK ME UP!!!!
You: WHY?!?
Stranger: BECAUSE YOUR FUCKIN AWESOM!!!!!
You: I KNOW!!!
Stranger: SO DO ITT!!! after you take a shit
You: LOOK YOURSELF UP!!! ON OMEGLEFAIL.BLOGSPOT.COM!!!
You have disconnected.

Oh, the Dutch.

Stranger: hee
You: Hi.
Stranger: what's your name?
You: Steph.
Stranger: my name is Manon
Stranger: where do you come from?
You: That's a cool name.
You: I'm from Billings Park, OH
Stranger: OH?
You: Ohio.
Stranger: oah:)
Stranger: I'm not that smart
You: Where are you from, Manon?
Stranger: the Netherlands
You: Oh, is that in America?
Stranger: no
You: Oh.
Stranger: it's a country in Europe
Stranger: it's called holland too
You: There are countries in Europe?
Stranger: yes
You: I thought Europe was a country
Stranger: no
You: oh.
Stranger: in Europe are 30 countries
You: Well, that's strange.
Stranger: and Europe is a continent
You: In America, there's only 1 country.
Stranger: yes I know
Stranger: but there are many states
You: That's so crazy!
Stranger: but Holland is a very small land
You: yeah, there's like 50 or something.
Stranger: I think Holland is smaller than a state
You: Yeah. Probably.
Stranger: but we don't talk English here
You: Oh. Why not?
You: You should.
Stranger: we have our one language
You: What language are you talking now?
Stranger: here in Holland?
Stranger: Dutch
You: Yeah.
You: Like dutch apple pie?
Stranger: yes
You: that stuff is soooooo good.
Stranger: that's from here!
You: Do you make that?
Stranger: I can't make an apple pie
You: oh. that sucks.
Stranger: My sister always make one
You: To sell to America?
Stranger: I'm allergic for apples
Stranger: no
Stranger: just for eat here in our house
Stranger: you understand?
You: that's awesome. I wish I could make dutch apple pies in america.
Stranger: I think you can do that
You: I'll have to ask someone.
You: I think you can only have them imported
Stranger: I think you can make an apple pie too
Stranger: but than it's an american
You: Oh, I don't know how to do that.
You: I'd probably just have the housekeeper do it.
Stranger: how old are you?
You: I'm 19.
You: How old are you, Holland?
Stranger: Holland is not my name you know?
Stranger: but I'm 16
You: Oh, my bad.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Man From France

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
Stranger: hello im man from france i have 27 and a little horny so if any girl want to chat on skype o msn you can give me your id o adress
You: Hell yeah!
You: I'm a horny girl.
You: I'm 19.
You: I've been looking for a hot guy all day.
Stranger: ok so if you want give me your adress
You: Ok!
You: My msn screen name is: youreabouttohaveagayexperience
Stranger: ha ha ha ha
You: or, we could chat on skype
You: my screen name is: iactuallyhaveadick
You: I'm a really hot girl.
Stranger: ha ha ha espece dabruti american idiot
You: i want to cyber a hot noy
You: boy*
You: want to know how big my boobs are?
You: 6 inches. Erect.

I'm 45, bro.

Stranger: dobro dan
You: Yes.
You: I do agree.
Stranger: good
You: And then, tomorrow, bukake.
Stranger: perfect!
You: Have you accepted the lord as your personal savior?
Stranger: you know, i used to think bukkake was pronounced "buck cake"
You: Boo Cake EE
Stranger: boo kah kee
You: Boo Cake EE
Stranger: nah bro
You: True story.
Stranger: got any weed?
You: So, Jesus?
Stranger: yeah i mean i like the dude
Stranger: but his followers
Stranger: meh
You: Cool shit, man.
You: Me and jesus...
You: We're fucking BROS man.
Stranger: right now?
Stranger: i thought jesus didnt like that gay stuff
You: He comes over, gives me back rubs...
You: Nothing gay, dude.
Stranger: well how can you fuck bros
You: Don't call jesus gay, man.
Stranger: and not be gay
You: We're not FUCKING bros.
Stranger: you're the one who said you and jesus were involved in an orgy with bros
You: We're fucking BROS, man.
You: Come on, dude.
You: Be adult about this.
Stranger: so confused rght now
Stranger: so anyway
Stranger: you go to new life church or something?
You: Yeah.
You: Oh, wait, no.
Stranger: oh
Stranger: why not
You: What's that?
You: I don't go to church, bro.
Stranger: http://www.lmgtfy.com/?q=new+life+church
You: I can't click that link, bro.
Stranger: copy paste homre
Stranger: hombre*
Stranger: so lemme guess
You: Oh, I don't do that.
Stranger: you're a highschool kid
You: That sounds kinda gay.
Stranger: what does
You: No way, bro. School's for losers.
Stranger: good!
You: Copy/paste.
Stranger: at least there are some smart kids out there
You: I am also 45.
Stranger: cool beans
You: Yeah, bro, beans.
You: Beans are the shit.
Stranger: what do you do mr 45
You: What do you mean, bro?
Stranger: job
Stranger: what do you do
You: Jobs are for losers, bro.
Stranger: hm yeah you're not 45
You: Who has a job?
You: Jobs are kinda gay, bro.
Stranger: i dont like you much
Stranger: you use gay as a pegorative too much
You: I almost called you "bto", dude.
Stranger: and say bro quite a lot
You: But you're not BTO.
You: Pegorative.
Stranger: or maybe
Stranger: pejorative
You: That sounds like it might be a little gay, bro.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Intelligent Design

Stranger: hi
You: Do you believe in intelligent design?
Stranger: of course
You: Because I think the complexity of the world around us is evidence of an intelligent creator.
You: Take the common banana, for example.
Stranger: yeah
You: It's curved towards us for easier eating
You: it has these ridges, to fit perfectly into our hands.
Stranger: so
Stranger: and?
You: It has an easy open top, like a can of coke, for ease of use.
Stranger: and?
You: And also, if you take the banana out of the wrapping...
You: It looks like a cat's asshole, and you can fuck it.
You: Tell me some creator didn't make that.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Another brush with /b/?

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: What's up, lover of the arts?
Stranger: greetings
You: How you doin' today?
Stranger: i have a question for you, before any of that
You: yeah, go.
You: shoot.
Stranger: go where?
Stranger: shoot what?
You: Ask away, fine young cannibal.
Stranger: what is .... op ?
You: Original poster, I assume.
Stranger: well you are wrong,
You: What's it mean?
Stranger: and im sorry about this.
Stranger: i really am
You: Does it mean, opereator?
Stranger: that shall remain a secret.
Stranger: *gets shot gun out*
You: Does it mean "opera"?
Stranger: *shoots in the ear*
Stranger: no more guessing.
You: Who did you shoot in the ear?
Stranger: im sorry.
Stranger: i need to kill everyone infected.
Stranger: including you.
You: Because, and I only say this because of my deep love for you, I have not been shot.
Stranger: now i gotta run
Stranger: you have.
Stranger: im sorry,
You: and I think it's important...
Stranger: theres no denying it
You: that you know...
Stranger: i have 2 shots left
You: You're crazy.
Stranger: good bye

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Nope.

Stranger: hi
You: Nope.
Stranger: kmu cwe apa cwo??
You: No.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: SHAWOL?
You: Nope.
Stranger: sone?
You: No.
Stranger: b2ty?
You: No way.
Stranger: kissme?
You: Negative.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: m/f
You: Nope.
Stranger: wat?
You: No.
Stranger: m/f
You: Notta.
Stranger: m20
You: Negative.
Stranger: u?
You: nuh uh
Stranger: from
You: nein
Stranger: age
You: no way.
Stranger: horny?
You: denied.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

12 inch dick

Stranger: hi im 18 m aust lookin for dirty chat with female
You: k
You: so what's up?
Stranger: k what
Stranger: nm u
You: Get down with the fuck talk, baby.
Stranger: ok i have 12 inches hard and 8 flop
You: Is that true?
Stranger: yes
Stranger: it is
You: Wow.
You: Does that do it for most girls?
You: a 12 inch dick
Stranger: yea normally
You: I'd think that would be like fucking a horse
Stranger: yea but the horse doesnt bounce
You: I don't get it.
Stranger: when i fuck i make u bounce horses dont
You: So, do most girls you fuck scream in pain?
Stranger: yea
You: well,you're going to have to convince me why that's hot
You: I can't see how getting pounded by a 12 inch cock is hot.
You: do you do porn?
You: with your magic penis
Stranger: nope
You: oh.
Stranger: leave it private
You: You should, since most people don't have 12 inch dicks.
Stranger: i know but it sucks making porn homemade porn is different
You: Yeah, I know. I only have a six inch penis.
Stranger: kool
You: right above my clit.
Stranger: sxc
You: I have a penis and a vagina
Stranger: cool id tap dat
You: I could fuck you while you fuck me
Stranger: that i would not do
You: aww
You: c'mon
You: a little ass play is fun
You: you'll like it
You: because I rule
Stranger: no its not i like my ass the way it is and anal is disgusting
You: why?
You: Why is it disgusting?
You: Poop?
Stranger: pretty much and a penis isnt ment to go in their
You: yeah it is.
You: It's a hole, isn't it?
Stranger: yes but its not natural
You: HA
You: Neither is a 12 inch dick
You: but it's ok, because I don't have both
Stranger: i know but im proud of it
You: I would be too.
Stranger: at college i have a nickname from the girls
Stranger: yowie
You: Creepy rapist?
Stranger: cause its hardly ever seen and when it is it excites u
You: night stalker?
Stranger: no night fucker
You: Dude, nobody would fuck you.
You: You're on omegle lying about your dick size.
You: loser.
Stranger: no im not your just jealous
You: HA
You: I'm a girl.
You: stupid.
You: What do I have to be jealous about?
Stranger: still your jealous that your inceswt dad dont have one as big as mine
You: my inceswt dad?
You: What's that mean?
Stranger: incest
You: ohhh.
Stranger: duh
You: No, my dads dick is pretty small.
You: but he eats pussy good.
You: We fuck all the time.
Stranger: cool
You: wanna watch?
You: we post in on the internet.
Stranger: no ill pass incest isnt fun
You: tell that to my orgasms.
You: and by dad, I mean my dog.
Stranger: sxc i luv doggy style
You: my dog and I fuck CONSTANTLY
You: he gets that claw in, and humps crazy fast
Stranger: cool
You: meanwhile, all the patrons at the bar jerk off on my face
You: sweet!
You: slurp
Stranger: ok now your just being a slut
You: I am a slut
Stranger: ok then bye
You: but you wanted to fuck with a girl on the internet
You: wait a second
Stranger: not anymore sluts arent fun
You: you were looking to degrade a woman online, but you don't want a slut?
You: What the fuck is wrong with you?
You: get your shit together, kid
Stranger: kid how old r u
You: 14
Stranger: exactly im 18 u slut
You: you're mean
You: but I guess when you have a 12 inch dick...
You: pfft
You: lol
You: I bet you have a baby dick
You: the size of my thumb

I know Kung Fu

Stranger: hi
You: Neo, follow the white rabbit
You: knock knock
Stranger: :O
Stranger: oh my gosh
Stranger: who are you?
You: The matrix has you, neo.
Stranger: OH NOOOO!
Stranger: what should i do?
You: uh...
You: one sec, let me check my book...
Stranger: ok
Stranger: take it easy
You: Take the red pill, I think.
Stranger: is there a yellow pill to?
Stranger: i like yellow better
You: Yeah, but just to goof people
Stranger: oh
Stranger: i'll take the red pill then
You: It's got peep in it.
Stranger: :S
You: so, neo, what are you wearing?
Stranger: well
You: some vinyl shit?
Stranger: yeah
You: hot!
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: so
Stranger: what are you wearing?
You: Some fucked up rags.
You: I'm in the real world.
Stranger: oh okay
Stranger: how is it there?
You: eatin' pudding.
You: It sucks.
You: But everyone is HOT
Stranger: but
Stranger: you'll wait for me right?
You: pretty soon, we are going to have a rad cave orgy
Stranger: oh please wait for me, i want to join
You: yeah yeah
You: I haven't fucked anyone for a long time because the oracle says I should wait
Stranger: good
Stranger: i think he's right
Stranger: but
Stranger: did he say you may fuck me?
You: Need me some "The One" dick.
You: Well, SHE said that some pale goth guy would come along and give me that NEO dick.
Stranger: xD i cant think of anything else anymore
Stranger: i give up
Stranger: so where are ya from?
You: I'm from matrix megacity.
Stranger: well
Stranger: okay
You: and, also, the the city underground
Stranger: say hi to everyone there
Stranger: im goin
Stranger: bye

Sunday, February 13, 2011

AIDS Cat

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: i like you
You: cool
You: im not sure if i like you yet
Stranger: why ?
You: well.
Stranger: :'(
You: im not easily impressed as you it seems
You: whut up
Stranger: WHUT UP BITCH
Stranger: WHUT UP
You: whuuut!
Stranger: WHUT UP
Stranger: WHUT UP
Stranger: WHUT UP
You: WHUTTTTTTTTTTTT
Stranger: you mean "shut up" i guess
Stranger: YOU're fat
Stranger: FAT
You: aww thanks
Stranger: FAAAAAAATY
You: haha
Stranger: ur welcome
Stranger: little bitch
You: sometimes i guess
Stranger: oh come on, lets fight
Stranger: douchebag
You: i dont know how
Stranger: coz youre a cunt
You: probably thats the reason
Stranger: oh god
You: i thought you said you liked me
Stranger: i did not anymore
You: menopause much
Stranger: wtf
You: sorry
You: its apersonal thing i know
Stranger: i fucked you cat last night
You: woah i wondered where she went
Stranger: right to my bed, jimmy
You: shes not declawed u know... be carful
Stranger: once my tongue in her asshole, she got declawed
Stranger: dont worry abt it
You: ew.... you just got cat aids
You: sorry to say...
Stranger: LOL MEDICAL FAIL
You: LOL
Stranger: aids is caused by HIV ( HUMAN immudificeience virus)
Stranger: HUMAN
Stranger: learn medecine
Stranger: bitch
You: there are feline aids as well...
Stranger: nope
Stranger: you idiot
You: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feline_immunodeficiency_virus
Stranger: wtf
You: soo.. yeha
Stranger: you created this page
You: poor fluffy
You: how did i in one second?
Stranger: you started talking abt aids
Stranger: you knew ill say it
You: no i dindt...
You: why would i know yould talk about licking my cats ass?
You: i should expect that from you
Stranger: nevertheless, HIV cannot pass from feline to human
Stranger: you FAILED
You: haha you read my fake wiki page!
Stranger: nope
You: HSHAHAHAHA
Stranger: it just cant be transmissible
Stranger: we dont have same immunical system
You: HAHAHAHH! READ MY WIKI PAGE
Stranger: omg
You: HA HA
Stranger: you wrote this page in english, chinese, french, spanish, italian,...
You: duhh you even said i did
Stranger: youre the best, buddy!
You: right on!
Stranger: so your cat gonna die ?
Stranger: sry abt that bro
You: you got her now. once you rape a cat shes ur problem
Stranger: no way
Stranger: wher r u from ?
You: around
Stranger: no i mean from what country ?
You: you know somewhere next to that lake and stuff
Stranger: please tell me
You: i just did!
Stranger: ok
Stranger: what lake ?
You: you cant send the cat back
You: shes urs now so just drop it
Stranger: i wont send it back
Stranger: ill eat her for my monday brunch
Stranger: wher do u live ?
You: shes got aids man... thats gross
Stranger: nononon
Stranger: let me guess
Stranger: youre from ....
Stranger: ...
Stranger: .... CUBA
Stranger: right ?
You: haha i wish
Stranger: ho
You: actually i dont
Stranger: so youre a socialist
Stranger: but you dont live in a socialist country
You: whats that mean?
Stranger: then youre from ... RUSSIA
You: my countrys socialist!
Stranger: oh
You: no..
Stranger: england ?
You: or not
Stranger: usa ?
You: or yeah usa is so socialist
Stranger: uruguay ?
You: thats not a country silly
Stranger: LOL
Stranger: learn geography bitch
You: nah dee im good
You: i dont like learning about made up lord of the rings countries
Stranger: wtf
You: you know frodo and shit
You: had a ring and scar on his head
Stranger: uruguay ( or URU-GAY) is in south america
Stranger: shut up
Stranger: you dont know whatyoure talking abt
You: he wore glasses and had sex with horses
You: you know
Stranger: nono
You: yes!
Stranger: you saw "Lord of the pussies"
Stranger: porn version
You: i dont think so
Stranger: as you speak a perfect english, you come from UK, ireland, usa, canada, SF or australia
You: not perfect
Stranger: coz your FAT
You: that will do that to you
Stranger: id say .. UK
Stranger: am i right ???
You: ...
Stranger: god i hate UK
You: ...
Stranger: ...
You: ...
Stranger: ...
You: ....
Stranger: ...
You: ...cool
Stranger: you lost
You: atleast i never had sex with an aids cat
You: soo...
You: yeah
Stranger: cat are always horny
You have disconnected.
Submitted 4/18/10 by Melissa B

BLORL You Live With Your Mom

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey baby
Stranger: asl?
You: 49 male who still lives with his mom
You: wanna move in with me?
You: you wont need to pay rent
You: we can play xbox all day together
You: and maybe get a little naughty and do other thing
You: s
Stranger: as nice as it sounds...im not interested in americans :)
You: thats cool
You: im not american
You: so that means you can move in
You: but judging by how slow you type, you must by asian
Stranger: u sed mom..
Stranger: i dont lik ppl hu say mom
You: you must not be able to find the keys on your keyboard
You: why? did your mom die?
You: I just want you to know that I pissed on her grave stone
You: and shit on it too
You: and I wiped my ass with the flowers you gave her
Stranger: my mam is actualy dead...dont fuckin joke about ya ARSE!
You: just did
You: still having trouble finding those keys?
You: took you long enough to type that big long sentence
You: I can send you a book called "keyboarding for dummies"
Stranger: says da 1 stil stayin with his mammy :P
You: least I have a mommy
You: and she loves me very much
You: unlike your mom
You: shes dead and she still hates you
Stranger: retard :L
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Submitted 2/20/10 by Guy Buddy

Guy Buddy's Not a Fan of Hippies

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey baby
Stranger: how ya doing?
You: im doing great
Stranger: thats great
You: im a little cold in my cheetah thong
Stranger: haha cheetah
You: my cheetah thong really shows off my BALLS
Stranger: ummm thats not creepy at all
You: Cool, that means you wont care if I send you a photo of me
Stranger: sorry i dont like ppl who wear clothes
You: cheetah thongs dont count as cloths
You: theyre technically skin
Stranger: yeah in book they do
You: cheetah skin
Stranger: well i like nude
Stranger: my friend hates you she is part of peta
You: ummm thats not creepy at all
You: is your friend an enviormentalist?
Stranger: she is a hippie without poit
Stranger: poy
Stranger: potr
Stranger: pot
You: tell your friend right now i'm bashing a hamsters head with a hammer
You: oh a hippie?
You: tell your friend im chopping down a tree
You: right now
Stranger: yeah she said that gives her a boner that she is gnna kill you with
Stranger: Let me tell you something, motherfucker!
You: cool i gotta boner right now too. We can play dick sabers
Stranger: I highly doubt that that little hamster ever did anything to you!
You: i always win in that game
You: the hamster acually came up to me and licked my finger
You: it was so cut
You: cute*
You: then I smashed its head open with my hammer
You: then I showed that tree no mercy and chopped it down
Stranger: I am going to hunt you down, & when I do, I'm going to take that boner of yours slap it on a table, along with your balls, & I am going to bash every last bit of semen out of them with a mallet.
You: cool. You may not know it, but my genitals all grow back instantly
You: ill let you chop off my dick twice. One for you and one for your friend
Stranger: I am then going to chop off your dick, tie it to a tree, & then repeatedly bash your head into it repeatedly, until your brains are oozing out.
Stranger: Then, I am going to make your sick ass lick every bit of brain up.
Stranger: Fuck with a hippie again, bitch.
Stranger: I'm calling Peta on you.
You: they call me chuck norris
Stranger: your not an animal
You: i fucked up the last person that said they would call peta on me
Stranger: haha chuck norris is not you he give me nose bleeds and i dont have one
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Submitted 2/20/10 by Guy Buddy

Welcome Back

Sorry it's been over a year since I've updated this. I was eaten by a shark, got cancer, fell from space, shot, stabbed, raped by some guiedos in the park, got a job with the CIA, got fired, joined the army, died, resurrected, formed a religion, got arrested and then got married. I've been getting a lot of submissions over the year, which surprises the shit out of me. You'll see some of the funny ones I've gotten, and none of the utterly shit ones I've also gotten. Yeah, on a note about submissions, I will not post chats that are incredibly dumb and unfunny. If your post makes me laugh, I'll put it up on here. If it doesn't I'm going to cast it into the depths of my trash folder. Cool. Thanks, and hope to see your submissions up here soon.